Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
