I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
