My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
