Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
