Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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