I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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