I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
