we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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