Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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