i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
