I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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