Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
