I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
