nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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