I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
