ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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