I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
