4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
