she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
