She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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