Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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