Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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