The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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