census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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