I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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