I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
