You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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