He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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