Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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