Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
