i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You can't special order awesome
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
