I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
