Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
