Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
