I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
