I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
