He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
