nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
