i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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