That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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