Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
