Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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