Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
