Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
