It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
