i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
