we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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