I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
