my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
