Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
