I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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