Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
