I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
